ANON "High school girlfriend finally decided it was time we get naked. My first time ever going down on a girl and I was chewing gum. People had pubes back then. You can only guess what happened?"
Anon: "A few years ago I was having sex with my then-girlfriend. She was being rather noisy, and her roommates were home, so I told her to just bite my hand. She bit it. I ended up with six stitches"
ANON: My boyfriend and I were hooking up in his room back home and his brother barged in the door. There I am, standing butt-ass-naked and his brother just stood there, looked me up and down, gave my boyfriend a fist bump and said, ‘nice, bro.’ I can never look at his brother the same after that.
ANON: When I was younger I used to get lockjaw pretty badly and once I got it when I was with my boyfriend at the time… He was crying, I was crying and he had to massage the outside of my jaw so I could ‘detach’ myself from him....
ANON: I some times do multiplication timetables in my head to delay me from ejaculating but I accidently started saying them loudly and she cracked up laughing. Apparently I ruined the mood.
ANON: At the tender age of 19, I was invited to an Army Battallion ball with a few friends. After a big night on the drink, I hooked up with an AJ and happily went back to his room. His hotel room had 2 single beds so we just slid them togethor. Whilst doing the deed, the beds seperated and I went crashing into the floor and smashed my head open in the process. Ended up in emergency and had to explain what happened. Embarrassing
ANON: **A Slippery Mix-Up** It was a Friday night, and I was all geared up for an adventurous evening with my partner. We were ready to spice things up a notch with what I thought was a sensuous new product designed to turn up the heat in all the right ways. With candles flickering and smooth jazz purring in the background, I reached for the tube with a sly wink. "Let's turn this evening from cool to sizzling," I murmured, as I applied a generous dollop. But no sooner had the cream touched her skin, her eyes widened. "This feels... it's cold! Now it’s... oh no, it's burning hot!" she exclaimed. Panic threaded my voice as I grabbed the tube to inspect the label. My heart sank. "Oh no, this isn't 'Smooth Glide'—it's Deep Heat! Quick, hop in the shower!" I blurted out. As she dashed to the bathroom, the internet became my frantic consultant. With every click, my dismay deepened; water was the last thing we should use—it only spreads the burn! By the time I reached the bathroom, she was in a steamy debacle, and not the kind we had hoped for. Hours of burning and a slew of Google remedies later, she, exhausted from the fiery ordeal, passed out amidst cold towels and muttered apologies. She lived to tell the tale—and retell it, often with a chuckle and a shake of her head at my not-so-smooth move. Determined to soothe the next day's awkwardness, I contacted Sensuous, the makers of the supposed 'sensual' product I had intended to use. Their staff, amidst stifled giggles, were surprisingly helpful. They advised that next time, in the event of another Deep Heat debacle, using their actual product might just dilute the disaster—literally.
ANON: So my fave battery operated boyfriend went missing a few weeks ago. I had him packed in an overnight bag after a weekend away. When i went to find him, he was gone. Skip forward to today. Hubby messaged me. He had been searching our 13 year old daughters room for contraband (vapes etc) and found b.o.b. in her pillowcase. I cant even... like how gross is that? What do i do here?
ANON: I was 38 and single at the time. The local pharmacist (40y.o) was very attractive and recently divorced, now single dad. I live in a small-ish town. Anyways he's always very friendly with all his customers and one day we were joking around and somehow got onto the best flavoured milkshakes. I thought he was joking when he said "I'll take you on a milkshake date and we can compare". I laughed it off and when I went to leave with my son's regular medications he said "no, really, give me your number so I can take you out". So we exchanged numbers and I left feeling like a teenage girl. This dude was 🔥. Next day he messages me asking if I'm free for dinner. Lets do this. He takes me out for a very expensive dinner and we walk through the park after. Perfect night. We have 2 more similar dates. On the 4th date we go bowling and ya girl is tryna be strong and resist this incredibly handsome man but I cave and we go back to his house. We're having a great time on the couch and he's doing all sorts of magic with his hands so I suggest we take it to the bedroom. We get in there. Magic hands continue. I'm feeling REAL good about this. Then it happens. He takes his pants off. Ma'am when I tell you I was speechless.... literally. No words. This was my fist and only ever encounter with..... a micropenis. He was trying so hard to do stuff so I took it and gave him a fake O. Got dressed and ran out of there. He text me a few days later and I told him I had fun but couldnt see "us" going anywhere. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was his penis. Although I'm sure he knew. And this guy was amazing in every way, except for that small issue (pun fully intended sis). A lot of my friends were jealous that I was dating the hot pharmacist. I told my very close single friends why I was no longer interested because honestly some of them got mad hoe behaviour and I didn't want them to go through that too. I got down with the divorced legal drug dealer who was secretly packing a micro and now I have to drive to the next town to get my kid's monthly meds.
ANON; We we're having a threesome, us girls had but plugs, lots of toys, lots of fun. My partner was in his element, swapping between us girls, watching & giving us instructions. Things got more vigorous & after a while things naturally ended.. it was only then I realised that my plug had disappeared.. it had been pushed inside me at some stage.. I had to squat & push as if I was doing a number 2, or pushing a baby out to try & find it.. they cheered from the other side of the bathroom door when I announced the retrieval was successful
ANON; I farted in my boyfriend’s face while he was going down on me. Like a FART, not a cute poot.
SAM, Sunshine Coast; My BF literally came directly up my nose and I thought I was gonna die
Sign Up to receive updates!